C3 - Soul-ed Mate

It must be a wild branch from the bushes. This is what happens when they aren’t trimmed. Still, I stand to the side, watching the window. Only darkness stares back at me.

I laugh uneasily. ‘You’re paranoid, Jimin.’

Meeting with criminals must have made me suspicious. Another shadow crosses the window. My heart leaps into my throat, thick and pulsing. Oh God. Did I see someone outside?

My imagination turns wild—vampires and demons. Those myths from my books come to life.

More likely it would be a burglar who hasn’t realized we lost everything of value. Or maybe someone did know about our fall—and that I would be alone and unprotected in the house.

My blood runs cold. As Min Yoongi pointed out, I have one thing left of value.

My body.

Maybe the man outside wants that.

I step close to the window, trying to see outside. The moon hides behind a cloud, the ground lights obscured by overgrowth, leaving the lawn almost completely black.

Is someone hiding out there?

Are they picking the lock even while I stand here, defenceless? My imagination’s getting the better of me. No one would be out there. I have my entire life in safety.

I hadn’t realized that anyone would want to hurt us until the police called me. A dish washer found my father behind their restaurant. They dumped his body there after beating him.

What if they’ve come back to finish the job?

Ice in my veins, I dash back up the stairs. My phone sits beside my mattress.

I grab it and start to dial the number for Uncle Yunhyuk. He’s the only one in Daegu who still speaks to me.

Then I remember the strange light in his eyes when he talked about my mother. The longing was surprising enough, but there was something darker underneath.

Resentment.

Maybe anger.

Instead, I find myself dialling my friend Hoseok. I glance at the time just as he picks up. After two in the morning. No doubt he’s still awake.

I don’t know when he sleeps. He’s the pale blonde co-ed to my boy next door, the marble statue to my straw man.

The real deal.

“Jimin!” he says, breathless. “God, it’s like you fell off the face of the planet.”

I know from the certain drawl in his voice that he’s very drunk. A faint beat in the background underscores his words, reminding me of late-night study sessions and frat parties at the nearby university.

That should be my life right now. Instead, I’m huddling against the wall in a dark, empty house.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner, but I’m kind of freaked out.”

“I’m freaking out,” he says, laughing. “Are you coming back now? I’ve missed you!”

There’s a sound from outside—a scratch. My breathing speeds up.

“I think someone’s outside.”

The sound of shuffling and the slam of a door come over the line. Immediately the volume drops.

“Wait, what’s going on?” he says, sounding more sober. “Are you okay?”

I was too ashamed of my fall from grace to call Hoseok with a play-by-play of Dad’s trial. He left me a couple voicemails, but how could I explain that I was never going back to school?

I could barely even admit the truth to myself. The entire life I had when I knew him is gone now.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, resting my back against the wall beside the window. “I might be losing my mind.”

One alpha offered to sell me, another proposed marriage, all in the same day. It was enough to make anyone go crazy. Yes, I’d gone round the bend. I had to pray that’s the cause of those shadows and noises.

“Break it down for me,” he says. “You said you’re at home. Your dad’s house, right?”

He knows about the charges he faced. I admitted that much when I left school last semester. He may have even read about the convictions if he followed the trial.

But my father’s beating isn’t public knowledge.

“He’s sick,” I say, which is an understatement. “And it’s just the two of us. I thought I saw something outside but…I don’t know for sure.”

“Can you call the cops?”

We aren’t exactly on the cops’ favoured list after my dad was indicted on multiple counts of fraud and embezzlement. The last thing I want to do is call them only to find a racoon outside.

They would probably arrest me for making a false emergency call. And then who would take care of Dad?

“I guess I’d like to know there’s something really out there before I call. I’ve had kind of a wild day, so maybe I’m just imagining things.”

“Okay, well, obviously I want to hear about this wild day, but can’t you call your dad’s people? Didn’t he have some kind of security detail?”

There were always men trailing us when we went to the zoo or the museum. They went out of their way to be unobtrusive, but I thought it was normal. Only when I got older did I realize how strange it was.

My dad said it was just a precaution, something to keep us safe after my mother died in a drunk-driving accident.

Then the scandal hit.

Dad’s business lost all its contracts even before he was found guilty. And he couldn’t afford the security guards when he needed them most. Couldn’t afford them when he most needed protection.

“We don’t have them anymore. After the court cases—” I remember the horror of seeing my dad in the hospital, half his face covered in bruises, the other half in bandages. It was worse when the doctors explained that he would probably never walk again. “Things have been bad.”

He makes a sympathetic sound. “You should have called me.”

“I know. I was just…embarrassed. Maybe a little bit in denial.”

“Okay, look. Are the floodlights on? Can you turn something on outside to see better?”

“This is why I called you.” I’m so flustered by Uncle Yunhyuk that I can’t even think. No, that’s not true. It’s Yoongi who’s kept me up late, tossing and turning in bed.

“There have to be lights somewhere.”

I never had occasion to use them, but I go into the mud room and find a long row of lights. Already I feel less shaky from hearing Hoseok’s familiar voice.

Both of us made our way in the world like some kind of Egyptian princes, unafraid and confident of our acceptance. Some of that old comfort winds its way to me across the phone line.

“Turning on the lights,” I tell him, laying my palm sideways to flip them all up at once. Blinding white lights flood the lawn like an airplane strip. And that’s when I see the man working at the electricity box, something glinting in his hand.

Is he cutting the power?

Oh God. My pulse races as I stand rooted to the tile floor.

“Jimin? Jimin!” Hoseok’s voice comes to me as if from far away.

“Someone’s here,” I say faintly.

The man stumbles back, surprised by the sudden lights. He’s wearing a black hooded jacket and dark jeans. I can’t see his face.

“Jimin, do you hear me? Go into your bedroom and lock the door.”

My feet carry me—not to my bedroom, but to my father’s. I lock the door and sink to the floor, listening to Hoseok borrow a friend’s phone and call the cops.

He talks to me through the next few minutes, promising me that everything will be okay. I know he’s wrong. Even if I make it through tonight, my life is over.

My dad doesn’t wake up, the steady beeps telling me he’s fine. The cops show up with a loud bang on the door.

They explore the large grounds, but there’s no sign of an intruder. Their expressions are disbelieving when I describe what I saw, but it doesn’t matter.

I know now that we aren’t safe here. We won’t be safe anywhere. Not without money.

!~~~~!

The thing about being a virgin is that I don’t really have any sexy innerwear. No one has ever seen my underwear except other boys in the gym changing room.

I wear sturdy and cute underwear with pink doughnuts and blue butterflies on them. Nothing with lace or silk.

I stare at the slim contents of my underwear drawer without inspiration as sunlight streams through the window. Last night the lawn seemed ominous, concealing intruders in its shadows.

In the daylight it seems like the same cheery place I played as a child. It’s almost enough to make me forget the intruder last night, except that I found the little metal clasp on the electrical box broken.

The cops assure me that the lock can get broken in a bad storm, but I know what I saw. There’s only one way to make sure we’re safe here.

In the end it’s too late to get a fancy lacey panties. Besides, my credit card would get declined. I pull on a plain boxer briefs with a pretty scalloped edge. If they want a virgin, then they can damn well deal with my underwear.

On the name of sexy dresses I had this vest that was too deep that flaunted my tattoos at my back. I and Hoseok were drunk when we went to a tattoo parlour and hand those at our backs. I slip it and leave it for the D-day. The day I will sell my soul and stain my omega’s innocence dead.

I think it will be sexy enough as I had a few fancy dresses left from my days attending opening galas and evening operas, ones I couldn’t sell because they were ripped or too old.

But I can’t quite bring myself to dress in a daring red or mysterious black. These are dresses I wore on Namjoon’s arm, the toast of society.

That boy doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, I put on a white whitedress shirt. At least it hugs my curves.

I find my black Doc Martens and a clutch to match, pretending I’m getting ready for brunch with friends.

Instead, there will be no more brunches. Maybe no more friends. And I won’t see Namjoon ever again.

A pang in my chest reminds me that I love him—that I love an alpha who only ever saw me as a stepping stone.

!~~~~!

The Inferna looks different today, more like one of the historic buildings dotting Daegu’s downtown. There are offices and stores bustling with people at two in the afternoon.

Maybe I should have waited until tonight. A knock on the brass ring in a lion’s mouth goes unanswered.

I need to do this before I lose my nerve. I knock harder this time, almost hurting my knuckles against the thick wood.

Why aren’t they answering?

Maybe they aren’t here, but I can’t turn back now. I’m too deep into this. Some impulse puts my hand on the doorknob.

It turns.

Why isn’t the door locked?

Unease moves through my stomach. I expected to find Yoongi opening the door like he did last night. He scared me then, but for some reason I miss him now.

I wander down the hallway, into the large room filled with plush leather armchairs and tables that have been cleared of ashtrays and half-filled glasses. Only smooth surfaces remain, gleaming in the faint light.

I take a step back, another—backing out of a room I shouldn’t be in. A sound comes to me faintly, and I whirl. The wide hallway is empty.

There’s a door at the end of the hall, and it draws me closer with strange magnetism. My feet move on their own, bringing me to the forbidden. I shouldn’t even be in the Inferna, much less wandering the hallways alone.

My curiosity has always gotten me into trouble, but before I had the security of my family name. Now I’m falling without a net.

The door opens to a set of dark wooden stairs. Servants’ quarters, I realize. These old houses were divided by class.

The steps lead up to another door, no place to wait except two steps down. My knock echoes through the dim hallway, overloud and startling even though I made the sound.

I chance a look down the stairs, at the shadowed landing below, darkness impenetrable.

Dizzy waves rush over me.

I’m in one of those twisting sketches with stairs that turn into themselves, a never-ending maze. I’ll never find my way back. The door swings open, and then a large body slams into mine—as hard and solid as the stairs beneath my feet.

I lose my grip on the rail and fall backward, world upside down.

Oh God, I’m falling.

I twist in the air, all sense of balance lost, no ground to fall back on. Firm hands grasp my arms, almost bruising. They haul me upright, toes brushing the steps, gaze snapping to fierce eyes and a snarl.

Wild. That’s all I can think of the man holding me up.

Heavy eyebrows slant over copper eyes, the pupils large enough to make him almost feral. This close I can see his features better, lit by the overhead light instead of the dim room downstairs.

His nose and mouth are crude, etched from stone instead of flesh. The whole effect is made more sinister by the faint slash through his eyes to his cheekbone, a scar so deep and so old it’s a part of his features now, a thin sliver of water through a canyon wall.

“Whoa,” comes his low voice, like I’m the animal.

Like I need settling. Too late I hear the soft keening sound I’m making. I fall silent.

“I’m sorry.”

He drags me inside, setting me down on the wooden floor with a hollow clack of my shoes. My ankles turn, topsy turvy. He frowns down at my black shoes as if they don’t belong—and God, he’s right. They’re from another life. Another, one who’d never step foot in a place like this.

Yoongi’s voice cuts through the thick air.

“Did I hurt you?”

I can still feel the imprint of his fingers on my arms, the solid muscles of his chest as he rammed into me. Hurt, yes. Pain like rays of sunlight through the cloudy numbness I’ve been living in.

“I’m fine.”

A lie.

Bronze eyes narrow, taking in the slim line of my almost transparent shirt, the designer clutch. I’m too broke to even afford a knock-off—how’s that for irony?

“I’m ready for you.”

I’m still falling.

Catch me.

But he isn’t my white knight. No one’s going to save me.

“Ready?”

He makes a rough sound, maybe amusement. Maybe pleasure. “To take pictures.”

My breath stutters. “You’re going to take them?”

“There’s a photographer. He’s excellent. Taehyung would have been here as well to make sure he gets the right shots, to make sure you’re…cooperative. But he has another engagement.” His grin is almost feral. “I volunteered to stand in for him.”

Pride feels heavy in my throat.

“You enjoy seeing me fall.”

Maybe I should have expected that, considering my father cheated him. But he already turned Dad in to the authorities, his evidence the impetus for the indictment.

I suppose for a man like him that wouldn’t be enough. Had he been the one to send men to attack my father? Had he sent men to my house last night?

Yoongi’s voice is bland. “Maybe I just enjoy watching a beautiful naked virgins.”

With his wealth and his devastating looks, he could have anyone he wants. But after what he did to my father, he would never have me.

Unless he buys you at the auction, my omega taunts me.

He wouldn’t do that, would he? I glance back down the stairs as if I have a chance to escape.

“The photographer’s already setting up? How did you know I would come?”

“Desperate times.”

The men of the Inferna control this city with wealth.

Influence.

Power.

“Familiar with desperate measures, are you?”

“They’re my bread and butter.”

“Drugs,” I say, accusatory. “Guns?”

“Sex,” he says, his voice mocking.

No, my hands aren’t clean. But I still feel out of my depth. I may have benefited from my father’s secret criminal deals, but I never knew about them.

“Yes,” I whisper.

“So innocent,” he murmurs. “This is a whole new world for you, isn’t it?”

He doesn’t sound sympathetic. I’m a curiosity to him, something to bat around like a mouse between his claws.

“You don’t have to make me cooperate. I’m going through with it.”

His smile is almost sad. “I know, bluebell. You don’t have a choice.”

With that he turns from me and leads the way down a hall. Dread clenches my stomach, but he’s right. I don’t have a choice. Part of me wonders why they wouldn’t take the pictures downstairs, with the beautiful crown moulding and elaborate furniture.

I find my answer as soon as I enter the small room. It might have been a bedroom for servants, two thin beds on either side, the ceiling slanted above us.

The window is old enough to be made from warbled glass, lending a dreamy look to the light, almost as if we’re underwater.

There are white photographer screens placed around the room that only seem to amplify the effect. On one side a man fiddles with a large camera on a tripod.

He looks up when we come in, his bushy eyebrows rising.

“This is the subject?”

I swallow hard, thrown by the lack of hello. I’m already an object to be photographed for auction, a chair or a rug. Not a person anymore.

“He’ll take the dress off,” Yoongi says.

My breath catches.

“Do I really need to do that? I thought the dress might be…”

“Provocative?” Yoongi offers blandly. “Perverse? Yes, but some of the men on the invite list can be rather…obvious. They would prefer to see skin.”

“R-right.” I swallow hard. “It’s just that I didn’t have any…any sexy lacey…thong. Just my regular stuff.”

“Your regular stuff?” Yoongi asks with a lift of his eyebrow. “Show me.”

Only then do I realize I’ll have to undress in front of two men, one I’ve just met. Only then do I realize that showing my regular underwear is somehow more intimate than a lacey panties.

This is something so homey and casual that I thought only my soulmate – one true love would ever see.

Shaking hands reach to unbutton the flap and the zippers of my pants. It was not hard to get rid of it but when I reached for the buttons on my shirt I felt his strong gaze on my exposed skin.

His gaze lingers on my thighs and then travel through my underwear to my exposed neck. The flaps slide off my shoulders with the simple movement. I stand like that for a breathless, frozen moment, knowing there’s no going back.

I don’t even have to push the dress away from me. I let my hands fall to my sides, and the soft material falls down my body, a caress as solid as Yoongi’s golden gaze.

“Goddess Sele—,” the photographer mutters, staring at my plain white briefs.

I manage not to cringe. This isn’t what someone would wear for a photoshoot. This isn’t going to earn anything at auction.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper miserably.

I’ve only just started this and I’m already failing.

“It’s perfect,” Yoongi says, sounding almost reverent. “You’re perfect.”

Goose bumps rise across my skin. It takes everything in me not to snatch my dress, not to run from the room. Maybe he does need to ensure my cooperation. I’m already trembling, and all they’re doing is looking.

How will I stand it when a strange man climbs on top of me?

I look away, at a point on the plain whitewashed walls.

“How should I stand?”

My voice is stiff, betraying my nerves. Footsteps come closer, and I know without looking that it’s Yoongi. It might be something about his gait, graceful and confident. More likely it’s the way my body electrifies whenever he’s near.

He touches my chin and turns my face to him. “I’ll show you.”

There’s something almost encouraging in his eyes, a strange infusion of strength. I shouldn’t trust it, shouldn’t trust him, but I find myself standing straighter anyway.

“Okay.”

“We’ll start with some shots from the front.”

He moves to stand behind me, brushing my hair, arranging the heavy locks over my face.

“The advance pictures will hide your face.”

“They won’t know who I am?”

It’s a small relief that there won’t be half-naked pictures of me—identifiable pictures, including my face—circulating in the city.

“If they want to know who you are, they’ll have to pay ten grand.”

“Ten grand,” I gasp, shame and elation warring within me.

If enough people show up, I can pay the real estate tax bill.

“How many men do you think will come?”

“Taehyung will keep the attendance fees.”

Of course, he will. He isn’t hosting the auction out of the goodness of his heart. A perverse amusement rises in me, imagining this as a charity auction—my family’s tattered dignity the cause.

We could set up little cardboard boxes for quarters at gas stations.

Maybe organize a bake sale.

“And I’ll get the amount that’s bid?”

“Minus his percent,” Yoongi says smoothly.

“Hey,” I say, half turning to face him. “I’m the one doing all the work.”

“Never fear, Virgin lily. You’ll make plenty selling your wares.” He turns me to face the camera again, this time tipping my head sideways so my hair creates a veil over my face.

His palms run down my arms, sending sparks of sensation over my skin.

He nudges them forward, plumping my chest out. It’s a strange position, almost like prayer.

“Stay,” he murmurs, his breath soft against my neck.

Then he steps away, and the photographer starts clicking.

My stomach turns over as I imagine strange old men looking at these pictures, evaluating my body, judging my monetary worth. When the clicking stops, Yoongi steps forward and turns me backwards.

A slow slithering hiss comes from his mouth as his manly scent hit my nostrils. His hand moves down my spine. I know from his tantalising touch that he must be tracing my tattoos.

His palms holds my wrist as if he will just turn me here and take me against the wall. But indtead he lifts my hands so that they rest on my head, elbows forward, revealing the shape of my waist and…my butt.

Yoongi only touches me on my arms, and even then he’s professional. Weirdly respectful, considering the situation. He could take the opportunity to feel me up.

I couldn’t stop him.

Instead, he gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before stepping back. More clicking, some flashes from the equipment stationed around the room.

I close my eyes tight, waiting for it to be over.

“Hmm,” Yoongi says, his voice coming from near the camera.

Is he looking at the pictures through the lens?

What does he see when he looks at me?

“Let’s try some with him facing away. That tattoo will make him look more sexy.”

They must not be good. That’s my only thought as I turn to face the wall like a child being punished. I’m so inherently unsexy that only a picture of my backside could possibly appeal to anyone.

Panicked thoughts race through me, making me tremble, making me shake. His hands land on my shoulders, and I suck in a ragged breath.

“This isn’t going to work,” I whisper, half to him, half to myself. “I’ll never be able to go through with it.”

He speaks without turning me around, both of us facing the wall.

“You said you’re a virgin, but exactly how inexperienced are we talking?”

The most embarrassing part is that I don’t know how to answer that question.

Omegas, guys or even girls in my school whispered about what they did with their boyfriends.

Lord knows Hoseok has told me some dirty things, but they almost felt like a made-up story to me. People don’t really do those things to each other, do they?

I would find out soon enough. I’d experience them firsthand.

“I’ve done things,” I say even though it feels like a lie.

“What kind of things?” he says, and I wonder whether it’s prurient interest or concern that compels him to ask. “Making out on the couch when Dad isn’t home? Letting a boy feel under your shirt?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Have you ever been kissed?”

I manage to nod. That was as far as I let Namjoon go. He pushed me for more in the darkened back hallways at parties, in the empty storage rooms outside hotel ballrooms. And I always told him no.

“What were you afraid of?” he murmurs.

The way he asks, I know he doesn’t mean the auction. He’s asking why I never let a boy go further with me. He’s asking why I’m still a virgin.

Our position makes it feel more intimate, as if there isn’t a stranger only a few feet behind us, as if I’m not being forced to do this. The wavy lighting adds to the effect, as if this is only in a dream.

I can tell the truth because this isn’t even real.

“Dad caught me once,” I say as if in a trance. “I was sleeping in on the weekend, or he thought I was. But I was t-touching myself.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me it was wrong. He said that it wasn’t how proper omegas behave, that that kind of behaviour would disgrace our family name.”

The intense shame I felt then hits me like a blow to the stomach, almost doubling me over. It’s only Yoongi’s steady presence behind me that holds me up.

He hardly touches me, only the lightest brush of his hands on my arms, but they might as well be made of iron.

“And then he was the one who disgraced your family name.”

“He would cut my palm and put chilli powder for months so that I won’t do it.”

The irony is enough to make me throw up. For years I resisted what the other were doing, refused what Namjoon wanted from me.

But the boy willing to wait until marriage was Namjoon, and it turned out that was only because he viewed our relationship as a political stepping stone.

“Stay here, Virgin lily.”

He moves away from me, and I feel his loss like a wintry wind. I’m alone, bereft. The camera clicks behind me, invading my privacy, reminding me of just how public this will be.

I can’t even touch my body without feeling guilt, but some stranger will soon have the right.

“Look at me.” Yoongi’s voice comes to me from near the camera.

I turn slightly to look at him over my shoulder. Most of my face is still hidden by my hair, but he can see more of me. My vulnerability. My weaknesses. My inexperience.

Is my turmoil visible in my posture?

Can they read the pain in my eyes?

Everything that I believed was a lie, but the truth hurts enough that I want it back.

“Touch yourself,” he says.

My heart stops, because if he wants me to do this for the camera, I’ll falter.

I’ll fail.

“Tonight. When you’re in bed, alone. In the dark. Lock the door if you need to. No one will walk in on you. Touch yourself and make yourself feel good. You remember how to do that, don’t you?”

The memory comes like a tangible caress, a stroke, fingering myself. My lips part on a soft sigh. Heat suffuses my cheeks.

The memory comes flashing making my eyes roll at the back of my head. I cup my length between my thighs, seeking friction.

The click of the camera captures my illicit pleasure.

“That’s it,” the photographer says.

Yoongi studies whatever is on the view screen, his expression enigmatic.

“Yes. That’s the one.”

!~~~~!!!!~~~~!