C28 - Soul-ed Mate

The next morning I visit my father, and the nurse gives me a genuine smile.

“He’s been awake on and off. I imagine you’ll be able to talk to him today.”

My heart thuds in anticipation. He used to be my rock, my sole family member after the loss of my mother years ago. And he never remarried— never wanted to, that was how much he loved her.

So, it was just the two of us, playing chess or hosting society events in the ballroom. Now here we are—me living out of a cheap motel, him bedridden on the charity of his sworn enemy.

“Dad, can you hear me?”

His eyelids flutter, but after a moment he goes still again.

Sleeping.

Disappointment wars with relief inside me. I desperately want my ally back, my family, but I know that even he can’t be that. He needs me to give him support.

He doesn’t have any left himself. I leave the book of history on the table and pull out the diary. I stayed up late last night, reading from the beginning.

One story of her and Ahn Jiwoo sneaking out of a coming-out ball to take a canoe across the lake had me giggling through my tears. She wasn’t quite as proper of an omega as I was told, but that only makes me love her more.

She longed for adventure before she settled into her role as an honourable omega wife. I flip through the pages filled with her elegant, now-familiar scrawl.

And the man I truly want has no money, no standing. No chance of winning my hand. We both know that it’s impossible, but the heart doesn’t believe in boundaries.

Who was this mystery man? Did my father ever know him? I flip ahead to a part I haven’t read yet, where she’s engaged to Dad, and read aloud.

“‘Mother wants the best of everything. The flowers. The cake. Anything less will seem like we can’t afford it, and that would be vulgar. Of course, the truth is that we can’t afford it, but Sejin graciously agreed to cover everything. He says we’ll share everything in a few months anyway.’”

That sounds like Dad, incredibly generous. Completely in love. Whatever happened with the mystery man, it hadn’t changed her decision.

“‘It seems like there’s a party every week. Officially I attend with Mother, and sometimes Father, but I always know that Sejin will be there. He does make me laugh.’”

A smile touches my lips. “You make me laugh too, Dad.”

But he must have smiled more before my mother died. There was always a tinge of sadness to him, as if he couldn’t stop remembering her. The fact that I looked so similar just made it harder for him.

I shudder as I remember Uncle Yunhyuk’s marriage proposal, the way I would have been a replacement for her.

Disturbing.

Disgusting.

There’s a difference between wanting someone and loving someone. For my father, who genuinely loved my mother, the likeness had been a sad reminder of what he would never get back.

I turn the page.

“‘Tonight he asked me to sneak to the boat house with him. I know he wanted to kiss me. Maybe more. I told him I couldn’t risk leaving, that we might get caught.’”

That gives me pause.

I know that she sneaked out with Ahn Jiwoo. Multiple times based on the way she described their antics. So why had she lied to Dad back then? But it was still a big deal for an omega to be alone with an Alpha then, especially in high societal packs.

It was even a big deal now in the upper echelons of Daegu. Omegas like me were supposed to attend specialised universities, to get a nice degree in something demure, like ancient mythology, before marrying an alpha like Namjoon.

And only then should we have sex, according to the strict boundaries laid out by society matrons. That would have been my life. I would have gone into that darkness willingly, never knowing that some nice alphas purchased omegas at dark-room virgin auctions.

At least Alpha Yoongi is honest about his intentions.

“‘He asked me where I want to go for my honeymoon.’”

I read over the gentle drone of the machines.

“‘I told him it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re together I can be happy anywhere.’ Well, you guys were just too adorable. I love it.”

My father murmurs something indistinct, eyes still closed.

“Can you hear me, Dad? Do you recognize her words? I feel so much closer to her, reading this. I know her so much better. Like I can hear her voice in my head.”

No response.

I hold back a sigh. He might not wake up, despite what the nurse said.

“‘And so, he told me that we’re going to Greece.’”

I stumble over the last word. All the times I had talked about mythology, all the times I had dreamed of visiting the ruins, he never told me he’d been.

“‘He said I’m the most beautiful omega in the world, his very own Helen of Troy. We’ll leave right after the wedding, that very night.’”

My father’s head thrashes side to side. His mutters grow louder, more disturbed. Something’s bothering him. Is he in pain? But the nurse said he was doing better today.

I lean closer.

“Dad, what’s wrong?”

He makes a low keening sound. The hair on my neck rises.

“Oh God,” I whisper. “Can you hear me? Is it hearing about Mama that’s hurting you?”

“Minali,” he says, like last time.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I thought you would like hearing her diary, but I’ll stop.”

His eyes flutter open. Confusion clouds his eyes. “Minali?”

“It’s me, Jimin. I’m here.”

Slowly he focuses on me, eyes bright with tears. “There you are, my mochi. I’ve missed you.”

For weeks I took care of him every day.

Feeding him.

Bathing him.

And it brought us closer, even if it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

“I’m sorry.”

“Where did you go?”

“I didn’t want to leave, but I had to do something. I was trying to…” I swallow past my grief. “I was trying to save the house. I’m so sorry, Dad. It didn’t work.”

His eyebrows press together. “Your mother?”

“I know. She left me the house in trust. But Uncle Yunhyuk… I’m sorry. I know you were friends with him, but he borrowed from my trust.” He stole from it, the way Dad stole from Min Yoongi. “And when it ran out of money, the court took away the house.”

“How?” His voice is rough from disuse. “How are you paying?”

I realize he means the nursing home. He knew we couldn’t afford full- time care before. Now he’s in the most exclusive facility in the city. I can’t bring myself to say Min Yoongi’s name right now, not so soon after confessing that we lost the house.

“Someone is helping me pay for it. Don’t worry, Dad.”

Sorrow fills his eyes. He doesn’t know the illicit details, but he can guess. “My baby mochi.”

It was the same thing he said to me after I bested him in chess. He always looked more proud after I beat him than when he would win. Except I haven’t won this game.

I’ve lost.

!!~~~~!!

Hoseok and I order a pizza with everything on it.

If we’re not getting wasted, let’s at least load up on carbs and dairy.

A movie beneath static on the small TV.

“I didn’t even know there was still this kind of station, like it’s not cable.”

I finish off the crust on my third slice. “Me neither. It’s kind of fun not having a guide station. Or really having that many things to choose from. You get what you get.”

“Like Tinder meets Netflix.”

A snort escapes me. “We are truly ridiculous.”

He leans back against the headboard. “And stuffed. I’m done.”

I peek under the lid of the box. “There’s still half a pizza in here. We should offer it to Jin.”

“I already invited him inside when the pizza guy came. He told me to fcuk off.”

He isn’t winning any personality awards, but I have a soft spot for the guy who spends most of the time outside my door. He has a lost quality, as if he’s waiting for something he knows will never come. He’s not waiting for half of a cheap pizza, but it’s all I offer him outside the door.

With a reluctant nod of thanks Jin accepts the box, still sitting against the building.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside? We’re watching Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks be cute together.”

“Sleepless in Seattle?”

“You’ve Got Mail.”

He shakes his head. “Those kinds of movies piss me off.”

“Ones with happy endings?”

“Ones with rich people,” he says roughly.

Okay then. I duck back into the room and curl into bed beside Hoseok. I’m not looking forward to when my only friend goes back to university again. Mostly we don’t talk about it, preferring to trade insults and threats instead.

I know Hoseok’s here partly to escape his own demons—namely, his stepbrother, Minho. But it’s been an incredible solace to have someone on my side during this time. A true friend, the kind my mother had.

We watch Meg Ryan struggle to save her store, only to lose everything.

“This is hitting a little close to home,” I say.

“Yeah, but she had that store for so long. You have your whole life ahead of you. A career. A family. All that jazz. This is not the end. You shouldn’t mind your life right now.”

“Nevermind,” I repeat, tasting the words. It’s comforting. “I think I need to get that tattooed on me somewhere so I don’t forget.”

“But how awkward will it be once you start to mind and you’ve still got a tattoo that’s wrong.”

A loud knock comes from the door. I glance at Hoseok.

“Did you order another pizza?”

He shakes his head. “I’m never eating again.”

“Maybe Jin changed his mind about the movie.”

I open the door to find a standoff outside. Tension radiates from the bodies of three different alphas, violence simmering in the air.

Jin stands in front of the door, blocking my view. In the narrow space between his arm and the doorframe I can see Namjoon standing there, blue eyes blazing, dark shadows beneath making him look sinister. And behind him I recognize Hoseok’s stepbrother, looking just as fierce.

Minho has a clean-cut style that’s completely betrayed by the coldness of his eyes. He’s warm enough to me, but when it comes to his stepbrother his temperature drops below zero. Where Min Yoongi is a lion, wild and golden, Minho’s is a sleek panther with dark eyes and black hair.

“Uh, Hoseok?”

“Who is it?” he asks, digging through the makeup bag that has his nail polish. “And what do you think about Helter-Skelter as a color? It matches my mood.”

“You better come here. Things are about to get weird.”

!~~~~~!!!!!~~~~~!